Boxing + talking trash 👇🏽 check out the description
Boxing + talking trash 👇🏽 check out the description
Get my book! 33 Truths. 33 Truths, 33 entries reveal the mind, the soul, and heart of Bernensky Pierre. With an extraordinary mind and strange outlook, he draws a picture with words of how he feels about the essence of life. With each poem, he reveals a part of who he is and/or what he truly believes in. One poem stands in the universe of misunderstandings, then with a flip of a page it goes to a confined space in his mind, which is his ideology of everything. God, pain, love, sex, loyalty, spiritualism, and addiction are several topics he morphs into an opinionated outlook. This is his perspective on things. Do you agree with his subjectivity? Do you agree with his beliefs? Yes or no? You choose! Be free to disagree.
Synopsis: In the lost part of Mesa, Arizona a group of individuals with diverse and radical viewpoints come together to speak (and/or defending) passionately about their particular belief, orientation, lifestyle, or race. There are 13 participants, and each chapter, a new individual represents his or her community or belief. The purpose of this narrative aims to tackle certain issues that the reader doesn’t know about the “Other”, to increase our knowledge of one another, and to show how divided we are as a nation. Historical facts — whether it be social norms, cultural differences, and political ideas are used as a significant tool to win an argument (underlined phrases). Famous movies, television shows, literary works, and literary figures are quoted throughout the narrative (underlined phrases). Quotations from movies like Platoon and The Mist. Quotations from books like Lord of the Flies, Animal Farm, and The Color Purple. Quotations from famous people like Sharon Olds, William Goulding, and Jesus Christ. Moreover, this will be an opportunity to hear the arguments of why people do not believe that a certain lifestyle, orientation, or belief is conducive to a society. Examples of what you will see are Liberals versus Conservatives and Christianity versus Homosexuality. Throughout the play/novel, one will see temporary alliances built to support one another or to bash the other. All factors are in play here, just for one to have the upper hand over the other. Whether it be false facts (lies), name calling, or ignoring, everyone seems to care about their own agenda. The words that are italicized with a star next to it have a significant meaning in the argument/debate being made it that moment. This is an everyday argument/debate type of scenario — all in one room, a forum of sorts where everyone as an opportunity to speak and express themselves. Conversations range from childish to extremely explicit, so be careful. Grab some popcorn and begin to read. Here is a snippet:
Dillian: Should I go out there and go get him?
Instructor: [Shaking his head] It’s fine.
[Selena smiled at Burn, while he sunk in an askew position, motionless, wondering where Logan went. She had a nice medium cut; brown hair. She took the initiative to speak, eagerly grabbing the invisible mic without the instructor’s permission. Her voice was loud and spunky, which harmonized with her head movement. Her flamboyant personality embodied the rich red roses that filled her long dark skirt. She wore a medium sized dark gray V-neck shirt with black heels to go along with it.]
Selena: [Monologue] My name is Selena. You may already know this, but I’m beautiful. I’m 5’5, 23 years old, and reside in Alabama. I was born and raised in Tampa. I’m Colombian and as you may already know, I’m an activist for women’s rights. So yes, I’m a feminist* and you can also call me a liberalist*. Also, I support gay rights and the black lives matter movement*. I currently hold meetings with fellow feminists to implement innovative ways to open the minds of the people and bring change. I just want everyone to have equal rights. [Looks at Michelle] First off, I would like to commend Michelle for what she said earlier. I support you 100%. Okay, let’s begin. All I’m asking is that we keep women and men on the same playing field. Things have changed, since women were allowed rights. Women are more likely to earn bachelor degrees than men, but how is it that men still earn more money than women? Women have increasingly populated male occupations, so why is it difficult to get the same pay as men? Let’s just reward the women for their diligence. Another thing is that we need to change the system because the system is key for all this change to take place. The system is still stuck in the past; it needs some updating because women have evolved into engineers, lawyers, businesspersons, and public figures. Sex discrimination needs to stop. Again, I’m not strictly talking about change the system for women, but also for gays, Transgenders, Black people, and prostitutes. So if you agree, then tell me. Also, if you have any ideas to increase our chances to change the system, let me know. If you disagree, then let’s argue.
[She sat back down and waited.]
Michelle: I agree of course and thank you for supporting me. I didn’t even know that women earned more degrees than men, and it’s funny that we’re still considered inferior.
Selena: [Exclaims] I know, right.
Samantha: I agree with the point that they should receive the same amount of money as men or maybe more since we earn more degrees than men.
Samuel: I agree with equal rights towards black lives matter.
Selena: [Raises her eyebrow] What about towards gays and prostitutes and women?
Samuel: Okay and for the women, since they do earn more degrees than men do. They should be rewarded. I think everyone is a feminist to a certain degree today because unlike other places around the world, we encourage women to be strong. Days like Mother’s day* and Women’s day* empowers women, so if you live in the United States, you have to have some sort of feminism in you, I believe.
Samantha: I agree. Other regions like Korea, India, and so on don’t appreciate women like the United States does. At the same time, some things need to be done to keep it equal between both genders.
Selena: [To Samuel] I know you don’t agree with the lifestyle of prostitution. Can I make the same assumption that you don’t agree with homosexuality?
Samuel: I’ll make my opinion when Florence or Jeremy gets the chance to speak.
Jeremy: [Vehement] I’m not gay.
Samuel: [Respectfully apologizes] My bad. I let my judgment get the best of me.
[Selena discerned Florence’s attitude towards Samuel, who was on his right, and gave him a friendly nudge. Florence long transparent scathing look abated, showing reverence for Selena.]
Florence: I agree with you, Selena. [Harshly] People like Burn and Samuel only care about their rights and not the others. They’re not open to change because they’re afraid, but that’s what makes everyone unique in their own right. We all can’t live the same lifestyle and love the same things.
Burn: [Defensive] I didn’t even say anything.
Florence: I know, but you don’t respect homosexuality as a lifestyle.
Samuel: [Angrily confronts Florence] So, we can’t have an opinion or a belief? America is trying their best to force people to be cool with homosexuality, but I’m not letting it happen in my life and that makes me the bad guy because I don’t agree and feel that it is wrong. Please, stop being the victim. They have accepted homosexuals more willingly than black people. Y’all can protest and walk the streets, being belligerent in some cases, and still receive sympathy. But when a black guy protests by sitting peacefully during the national anthem, he is acting unjust. Death threats are sent his way and the media scorns him. C’mon, stop trying to be the victim. It’s pathetic.
[Burn, Darious, and Kachina nodded their head in agreement, admiring those words.]
Florence: Don’t make this into a black thing, but since you made that point, I’ll take it and use it to my advantage. [Thinks for a while] You say America has been forcing the people to accept gays, so now you know how gays feel because since the beginning of time, the world has enforced the heterosexual lifestyle, and those that didn’t comply or didn’t have the same feelings were shunned or executed. I don’t get why you feel that it is wrong that people have feelings towards something they can’t change.
[The conversation reached its climax; the perilous argument was unavoidable between the two. The other’s eyes probed each other’s faces, while they waited for the instructor to speak. The instructor was lost, lingering in his own thoughts, not hearing the curse words released into the atmosphere. No one had enough fortitude to speak up, while the bickering proliferated. Selena made eye contact with Debra, who was on the right of Samuel. Selena hinted that they had to do something before the inevitable happened. Selena rubbed the back of Florence, while Debra grabbed Samuel by the hand. For that moment, stillness from words allowed the others to feel comfortable again.]
Florence: [Continues to dispute] And nobody’s being the victim. I just want to know what’s wrong with homosexuals for them to be hated so much.
Samuel: I talk to homosexuals and they respect my opinion. You just need to respect mine as well as everyone else’s opinion.
[The instructor broke his trance and chuckled fiendishly. He inserted himself to go forward with the disagreements.]
Instructor: Who disagrees?
Darious: I have a question.
Selena: What is it?
Darious: Since we’re talking about equal rights between men and women. Can we talk about the court system because I’m sick and tired of my homies getting played by the court system? The court system favors the women more than the men. I had a homeboy that was with a chick and she took everything, but his car. I also believe the reason women won’t be paid at the same rate as men is because of that. Y’all have so much leeway through the court system, and that is another way for you guys to get money.
Dillian: That last point is interesting.
Selena: That last part doesn’t make any sense, and that’s your so-called homeboy fault; he should have made her agree to a Prenup*.
[Darious stayed silent.]
Burn: [Helps out Darious] If one is thinking about a Prenup before marriage, then he might as well not get married. A Prenup suggests that you don’t believe in the other and that he or she is going to leave soon.
Selena: No, not always the case. There are people that get a Prenup and they really love one another, but they realize that they are humans and humans have a tendency of messing things up, so they sign the contract that says what’s yours is yours and what’s mine is mine.
Burn: [Disappointed] Wow, I guess no one wants to fight for their marriage anymore.
[Selena shrugged her shoulders.]
Dillian: I disagree with you blaming the system. But let’s stay on equal rights between men and women. I think Samuel and Darious will agree with this. The court systems do favor the women over the men. Let’s talk about rape. Rape is a horrible crime and I’m in no way trying to disrespect rape victims, but rape accusations are not always true. False rape accusations have more negative effects on men than women do, and I’m wondering how that is? A man accused of rape has to stop work because his employer won’t allow him to work during a sensitive case like that. He will have to go to court, spend money on lawyers, and waste time in general. Finally, when he is proven innocent, he can go home as if nothing happened. [Pauses] I wish that were the case, but he can’t. His reputation is damaged and he is perceived differently, even though he is innocent. But the woman on the other hand, goes home with no hit to her record or reputation. She should be punished for some sort of fraud to validate his innocence. If you talk about equal rights, then let’s write that wrong between men and women. We all know when a woman gets a divorce with a man with no Prenup, especially if they have children, 80% to 90% of the time that man is going to lose a significant portion of what he has or what they had. [Pauses] So let’s change the legal court system when it comes to false accusations of rape and make it fair. Women should be punished for that, just has men are punished for divorce, in most cases.
Samuel: [Piggybacking off Dillian’s point] You’re right, I do agree with the whole false rape accusation example. Let me speak as a black man. I don’t care what nobody says; black men are the target of false rape accusations more than any other men. People like Derrick Rose* recently and Darryl Hunt*, who was in jail for 20 years for it, survived but it ruined their image. This is one of the many things a black man has to deal with because of his perception. Again, all men deal with it, but not to the extent of black men. These women should be punished for that.
Selena: Okay, I respect that, I believe that women that do that should be punished, [Scorns Dillian] but that statistic of 80% is not true. Don’t make up stuff to boost your agreement.
Samuel: The judge should be like this: “Before we go into this investigation, if he is proven innocent, there will be severe repercussions. A hefty fine, prison, or relinquishing something that he wants in your possession.”
Burn: One more thing. To continue with equal rights between men and women, society paints this picture of only women taking care of the children, showing us single mothers on a regular basis, but I’m here wondering about single fathers. Does society know that there is such a thing as a single father raising children? Since there is this talk about equal rights between genders, do you believe that single fathers should get child support?
Dillian: Good point.
Selena: [Long pause] Yes, I’m open to it.
Darious: So no more chivalry*, right?
Samantha: Are you serious? You don’t want to be a gentleman because a woman’s ambition?
Darious: No, it should be a 50/50 thing now, that’s all, since women want to be as equal as men.
Selena: Okay, let’s talk about Rape Culture* since rape was brought to the forefront. Rape is a serious matter and I know some ladies try to use that as leeway, but most of the time, the claim is true. We live in a society that says we respect women and women are just as good as men, but on several occasions we lack any proof of that.
Samuel: Yeah, true, but we’re not as bad as other countries. America is one of the most influential countries that epitomize women being worthy and capable of doing anything a man can do.
Selena: Stop comparing, just look at America and ask yourself if women are as close as men as you think?
Samuel: Okay, I can’t disagree with you, but I can’t help but to compare to other countries. America is the standard.
Selena: Hypocritical standard, you mean. [Brief pause] Explain this: A 50 year-old man rapes a 14-year-old girl in Yellowstone, Montana, and is sentenced to only 30 days. How in the world is he only getting a month of punishment? And, oh yeah, she killed herself after. Please, explain that?
[Kachina, Florence, Burn, Jeremy, and Darious were appalled.]
Samuel: [Mumbling] I can’t explain it.
Dillian: Going back to the system, why do you continue to blame the system for what is supposed to be your personal agenda or responsibility?
Selena: Rape is a part of the system. Why not stick to it and find a solution before moving on?
Dillian: [Pressured] It’s tough to come up with a solution now. We can discuss it another time. I asked you a question pertaining to your speech.
Selena: Okay, repeat it.
Dillian: Why do you continue to blame the system for what is suppose to be your personal agenda or responsibility?
Selena: Really, that’s a bullshit question. So, you’re telling me that a group can change the United States without any help from the government?
Dillian: No, I’m telling you that the government has done enough already for a person with different orientations and beliefs, and now it’s getting ridiculous. Individual liberty has been given, but the government is going a bit too far. An example is them discussing the possibility of letting men that identify themselves as women to enter a women’s bathroom. [Pauses] That is crazy. Now, I believe that we need to limit the government’s power and let sanity be sanity.
Burn: [Tapping Selena on the shoulder.] How do you feel about Abortion?
Selena: Well, I’m not opposed to it. If you feel like you don’t want to have the child, then don’t have it. I rather the woman be happy than miserable.
Burn: But that’s depriving one from existing, that’s murder.
Michelle: [Aiding Selena] It’s not murder, it’s not in the physical yet.
Burn: [To Michelle] Really? It’s alive inside of you, just because you do not see it in the natural doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. When a woman is pregnant, at first, one doesn’t notice, but then after a few months the belly grows large. Growth is a part of life, it means life, and life is living, so if that’s the case, then that means the baby inside of you is alive because the dead can’t grow. [Solemnly] So don’t be stupid.
Dillian: Well said, [Frustration] I’m disgusted by that weak attempt to defend abortion by both of you. It’s murder like Burn said, and you use that physical excuse as a scapegoat like everyone else. I’m pro-life because I cherish human beings. Killing an infant before he or she has a chance to live is a crime. People like you are stupid because you are the same people that speak for the LGBT community and women’s rights, but you don’t cherish a baby’s life. Essentially, you’re speaking in paradox. It’s either you support people or you don’t. Do you not know that the people you are defending once were an infant in a womb? Do you remember that you were an infant in a womb? How would you feel if you were aborted? I believe that if you believe in abortion, then you don’t believe in civilization.
[Burn nods his head in the direction of Dillian.]
Selena: [Professes] It’s the woman’s body at the end of the day. She should do what she pleases with it.
Burn: [Concedes] Okay, okay, but why do they get to the point of abortion? [Realizing his question is incomplete] Okay, let me rephrase that. We all know the consequences of having sex, right? So, why in the world would you get an abortion when you know what you getting yourself into?
Selena: Oh my gosh. [Complains] Sometimes things don’t go according to plan, and yes, condoms pop or the birth control doesn’t fulfill its duty, but we have a chance to fix that wrong with abortion. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. It’s okay. There are young teenage girls that have children that can’t go to school anymore or they are not completely focused on it because they had a child too early and wasn’t prepared. They’re not financially stabled to start a family. Now, these girls are working multiple jobs with nothing but a high school diploma or worse, nothing at all. Essentially, most of those teenage girls’ lives are ruined unless they get lucky, but abortion ensures them a second chance.
Burn: But again, they knew what they were getting themselves into. They knew that the guy putting on the condom was only 85 to 99% effective, but they still went along and did it, so that’s their fault. Also, I firmly believe in that phrase that says, “You learn from your mistakes” because I guarantee that if they erase that wrong by aborting the baby, then they are going to find themselves in the same situation over and over. [Pauses] I know this girl that had three abortions before the age of 21. She still hasn’t learned, and all I know is this, the only 100% way to not have a child is not to have sex.
Michelle: What about rape resulting in the woman getting pregnant because of it?
Dillian: Put it up for adoption. Do not kill that innocent child that did no wrong.
Selena: [Screeching] THE HELL! So, you expect me to go nine months carrying a child that I wasn’t suppose to have because I was raped? Are you FUCKING serious?
Dillian: [Standing by his conviction] Yes, I do.
Selena: [Sarcasm] WOW, You men are amazing. [Passionate] You don’t understand the pain a woman endures when she is ready to give birth to a child she wants to have. Rape is nonconsensual sex, something that the woman didn’t want to happen to her, so she is entitled to have an abortion because clearly she wasn’t ready to have a child. By going through with the pregnancy, the rape culture essentially wins the battle. Another victim that doesn’t get the justice she deserves. Rape is demonized sex. To overlook the look of terror on the woman’s face, cancel out her screaming and fighting, and cap it all off by taking her innocence and her integrity is just pure evil. [Sarcastic laugh to Dillian] But that’s not good enough humiliation for you, so you tell her to go through with the pregnancy. If she doesn’t agree with it, you turn the tables and label her the victimizer because you will call her a murderer if she aborts the baby she didn’t want to have in the first place. [To everyone] This is the world we live in.
Kachina: [Claps] Wow, you guys have to admit that, that point is legit. I never thought about it like that. That’s the only time I would agree with abortion.
Samantha: Yeah, I agree with that. That scenario, of a woman being raped is hard to overlook. I think abortion should be legal in that case alone, only for that. I also agree with Burn’s argument about if you don’t want a child prematurely, then don’t have sex, that’s the safest bet.
Selena: Thank you, Kachina and Samantha. [She looks to Burn] Burn, you have to admit that rape that causes a child has to be aborted?
[Burn eluded the question for a while. He had a mercurial temperament and his eyes wafted beneath eye level, the ground was his new fascination.]
Burn: [Softly] My God doesn’t kill the innocent. I have to go with Dillian on this one because at the end of the day those babies are innocent.
[Selena sucked her teeth and took her sight away from him.]
Michelle: But statistics show that most children inherit their mother and father’s tendencies. That kid can grow up to be evil like his rapist father.
Dillian: Listen to yourself. How do you know that child is going to be evil? Already jumping to conclusions. I want equality, so let’s make things equal. I’m speaking for babies, since they don’t even have a chance to get out of the womb. We’re talking and debating on whether we should have transgender bathrooms, but at the same time killing babies. This doesn’t make sense to me. [Takes a deep breath] Baby lives matter.
[Dillian’s temper exceeded its breaking point. He had a headache. He closed his eyes, while Selena and Michelle grinned at one another.]
Michelle: I still disagree.
Selena: Me too.
Florence: [To Dillian] Okay! How do you feel about Transgender people getting their own bathroom?
Selena: And what about women’s rights?
Dillian: I’m open to Transgender’s bathrooms. I just don’t want women in men’s bathrooms and men in women’s bathrooms. And to your question, Selena, I say that women should be on the same level as men because who can argue that, especially knowing the statistics you mentioned earlier. However at the same time as they move on the same level as men and yearning to be men, the court system needs to change to a leveling playing field concerning false rape and child support. This is what you people want, so let’s make it happen.
Darious: [Cheers] NO more divorcing for a money grab.
Selena: We don’t want to be men. We just want to be equal.
Darious: Are you sure? Because you seem jealous.
Dillian: I agree with Darious because you come off as extreme.
Selena: I’m not extreme. There are women much worse. [Joking] And, what should I be jealous about? Women are better than men because we have a heart that cares. Most men are selfish and unfaithful. You want the statistics. You’re just misogynistic* and don’t even know it. Men believe that they are the superior gender because of the little stick they have between their legs. [Brief pause to smile] But with all due respect, women are just as valuable. I can make the case that we are more valuable than men. Look at the little things that we do that amount to so much. The things that we had to overcome supersedes anything you, men ever had to overcome. We couldn’t do nothing or be nothing. Back then, all we were were a beck and call* for our husbands or men in general that saw us as satisfaction tools. In the middle Ages, women were not allowed to read. Men were behind it and they still are treating women like this. In Saudi Arabia, women cannot drive — that’s a fucking law, man. We still see injustice towards women every day.
Darious: I know for a fact you’re not married. No man would ever put up with alla this.
[Dillian, May, and Samuel laughed.]
Selena: [Confident] I have a boyfriend, thank you very much, and he loves my views.
Darious: [Lightheartedly] Stop lying. You just didn’t tell him about your views, yet. You’re afraid that he will leave you, and I don’t blame him.
[Dillian and Samuel continued to laugh.]
Jeremy: Shut up.
Darious: [Serious] Nigga, you don’t tell me to shut up. We can throw outside.
[Burn prevented it from letting get any further.]
“Speak to me, I’m here to help you.”
“Please, Burn. Don’t cry. You always have words to say to me. Have you written anything lately concerning your pain?”
…. (Shakes head) ….
“Why not? And this time speak. I don’t want your gestures or your body language to answer?”
“It doesn’t help anymore.”
“Writing doesn’t help you anymore?”
“No, it doesn’t.”
“Last get together, you said writing was one of the two reasons you were alive, the other reason was God. What do you mean it doesn’t work?”
…. (Tears) ….
…. (Moves from across from him and sits next to him on the couch) ….
“Burn, stop it. You’re one of the toughest and positive people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. I don’t have any favorites, but I love speaking to you. You’re honest and speak your mind, so please don’t deviate from that now. You even said that you can’t keep secrets inside because it bothers you, so tell me. This is why you are paying me.”
“Tell you what?”
“First, tell me why writing isn’t helping anymore?”
“It used to work. Writing began in the form of poetry for girls, but it evolved soon after my father’s departure to stories. It became a part of me, it was in every thought and heartbeat. It led me places so far away from this world that only displays pain. I wrote not because I loved it, but because I needed to. I wrote to get away from my circumstances, my mother’s circumstances, and my brother’s circumstances. I wrote because that was the only place I found joy consistently. Writing for me was like drugs to an addict. Now, it doesn’t take me to the temporary places where I forget about life problems. I can’t elude the pain and the suffering anymore.”
“But, remember, you believe in Jesus. You said you believe in the process.”
“I did say that, but sometimes my sayings are not true. Like I said before, my writing holds all the truths of my life. Yes, I said I believe in the process with my mouth, but does my heart do? I never written about the process and in my alone time, I pray to God to take my life because I hate the process. I hear the devil whispering in my ear saying, ‘When you were in the world, it wasn’t this hard.’ Writing doesn’t make that voice go away. I say I want to go home and that’s my heart speaking. Forget everything else. People want to preach, people want to perform miracles, people want to dance in synagogues, but as for me, all I ever wanted is heaven.”
“Wow, this is a complete turn around from what you said a month ago. What happened?”
“This life that was bestowed upon me happened. I can’t hold it in anymore. After the death of my father, Cancer taunts me because I still haven’t recovered. Depression, sadness, sickness, attacks, and etc. ensued right after. I continued to be the toughest and most positive person I can be, but was I truly happy? You see the story behind the smile you always see when I come in here and what the public sees is deeper than you think. Look beyond the white illuminous smile and you will see a child crying about his losses and pain he has held throughout his life. Eighty-five percent of the time my smile is just to cover the wounds I have. The rest you can say is genuine.”
“So, your smile doesn’t represent hope?”
“For me, it just covers the pain. People have asked me how can I be so joyful all the time. I respond, ‘Easy, I can keep a secret.’ People say I give them hope when I smile because they say that I smile through trials and tribulations because I smile everyday throughout every season. They say my smile embodies the verse that says smile through suffering. But, they don’t live with me. I don’t smile when I’m home alone. I don’t smile when near the water. I don’t smile when I’m being real.”
“Okay, what will truly make you happy, Burn? Tell me?”
“Me leaving this earth right now.”
“No, Burn. Stop it, you cannot be serious. That means you will have to die.”
“So be it, this life has nothing for me.”
“You know what I think?”
“You’re just going through a phase where your fortitude is being tested by more hardships. This is molding you and you don’t even know it. Burn, knowing you for a short while and knowing everything that you have done has been amazing. You can’t give up and I know that deep down in your heart you don’t want to. You quoted someone that said we as humans weren’t born to live and die, but to leave a mark, to become legendary. So, all of a sudden, you don’t want to be legendary anymore?”
…. (Gets up, ready to leave) ….
…. (Grabs his wrist) ……
“Where are you going?”
“It’s time to go.”
“We have all the time in the world. We’re not leaving, until we find the source and the solution.”
“The source is life. Everybody goes through it and the solution is heaven. Can you let go now?”
“No, sit down.”
…. (Sits down) ….
“You’re better than that. You face your problems face to face.”
“You’re right. You know I have done some horrible prayers.”
“What do you mean?”
“I prayed for God to send a meteor to kill all of us, so I could go home. And, for world war three to happen, so I can get killed by a shotgun.”
“Burn, are you seriously crazy?”
“You wanted me to speak, so here it is. I retracted from the world war three stuff and asked God to forgive me, but that goes to show you how bad I want to go home.”
“Look at me and answer the question about wanting to be legendary. Do you?”
“That was the ultimate dream, yes. But, what are dreams and goals? I don’t know anymore. The process to become legendary is like climbing a mountain. You do your best to climb all the way at the top because that’s when you conquer life, but few people do. I climbed to reach the top, so many times. Many distractions on the way and many burdens I had to carry. I sold my soul to become legendary. I gave up all the easy paths to do it the right way, but here I am, at square one again, climbing to be legendary once again. Every time I fall to my death, it’s harder to climb up each time. At least, I did my best, right?”
“Yes, you did climb, but that wasn’t your best. It can be your best if you decide to resign and give up, but you want to climb again. I know you do.”
“You’re probably right. I can’t stop now. My purpose is to suffer, that’s about it. Even if I reach the top of the mountain, I bet there will be another mountain waiting.”
“I know, its difficult, but that’s the price you pay to be to become great. Don’t let the process keep you down, let that passion that made you do it in the first place lead you.”
“You said this is a phase I’m going through, but it’s not. A phase is just a temporary thing. This is an everlasting thing, passed down from the beginning of humankind. Suffering on this earth is inevitable, but it’s how you get out of it that counts. You see I could have made a deal with the devil or did my own thing, but instead, I chose what was and still is pure. But, for what? The seeds are still in the soil and nothing has produced yet. ‘It’s my fault’, yeah I heard that one before, but I’m doing my best. I guess that doesn’t count sometimes in this life.”
“What happened in the last month for you to say what you’re saying right now?”
“Breakthrough is not for me.”
“Suffering and pain is a part of everybody’s life, and I understand that, but when you believe in something that claims that it will lead you from suffering and never does and you’re truly doing your best to follow that something, then something is wrong. Yes, they say, ‘Take it patiently or a little while longer and it will happen’, but when? I’ve seen my father suffer my whole entire life. He suffered the nineteen years I saw, doing his best to provide for his family. He was a taxi-cab driver. My mother suffered as well throughout her whole life, doing her best to keep the house after my father’s death. I feel sorry for her and all I want for her is for her to be happy. They believed in God, just as I, but like me no breakthrough. Forty-eight years he lived and no breakthrough. Yes, beautiful house, but soon a burden. Yes, we have been blessed, but I don’t care about blessings, those are temporal. A breakthrough is what we have been looking for because a breakthrough changes the situation of one’s life.”
…. (She lowers her head) ……
“Wow, I wanted to surprise you with some news because you impacted my life, but I don’t think I should say it.”
“You’re making me curious, nice tactic, tell me?”
“Our last encounter was… I don’t know how to describe. Everything that you said was true and I believed. I went to a church nearby and I gave my life to Christ. I just wanted to thank you for that. And one more thing, I’m getting baptized there this Sunday and I wanted to invite you.”
“Wow, that’s amazing. I hope you’re not discourage because of what I said. I didn’t do anything I just said something that came from God and you believed because it was the truth, so don’t get discouraged because of me. Jesus said, ‘He is the way, the truth, and the life’ for a reason. Just continue to believe because we’re all different. You have a process and I have my own. Just pray that you are levels above me because I have a curse that needs to be dealt with. You don’t want to be on that level.”
“Really, Burn? I can only do so much. You need to go to your leaders at your church and seek help because you are talking out of frustration. They can help you.”
…… (Gets up and walks to the exit) ….
“Hold on, am I going to see you again?”
“Pray that you do.”
George Santayana, a poet and philosopher stated, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” Over the years this phrase has been modified to, “Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it” or in simpler terms, “History repeats itself”. I recall hearing this phrase uttered many times in regard to the history of African American Slavery. I still do believe it, but that isn’t the topic I want to talk about. We’re living in a time where accepting is being enforced. If one doesn’t accept a particular lifestyle, then he or she is defined to be a hateful person, the enemy, or a narrow-minded person. One that doesn’t accept in these days is rebelling against society’s agenda. Homosexuality is one of the biggest reasons or thee reason for all of this, and many people that are opposed to it are being criticized. Christians, most Conservatives, and people that feel similar are the enemy. The LGBT community reiterates the same thing every time one disagrees with their lifestyle, “Live your life, we live ours.” True, not everyone wants to change and we as people need to accept it. There’s this notion that Christians believe that they are far more superlative or worthy than everyone else. I am sorry if a Christian you spoke to gave you that indication, because that isn’t true. Please forgive them because they are lost. Christians don’t go around forcing people to submit to their beliefs; it’s a choice the person has to make. Christians go out to preach and demonstrate the power of God, that’s it. They say that “Conversion” stops now, as if we are holding them down and threatening them. No one can change anyone, only God does. The law is set in stone and Trump isn’t going to do anything about it, especially if he wants to live. No people are above the law, so we have no choice but to accept Homosexuality. They protest, screaming “Unity” to the people as an evasive way to reel the lost, a form of evangelism I may say. They know what they are doing because it’s about that time. Society is doing their best to trigger “Sympathy” for Homosexuality. They want one to be open-minded and persuaded by the new changes that is outside of holiness. They say “Love is love” and “This is my body, not yours”, releasing their selfishness into the atmosphere. If only they knew the true meaning of love, then they would have known that insatiable desires are not true love. Most know, but don’t care. There are a few that are lost in the ocean, seeking for direction, a way out, but can’t seem to find it because they were taken and evangelized by this team first. History is already on the path of repeating itself, and as we go back to the days of Sodom and Gomorrah, we again will see the city perish.
“Therefore God will give them up to uncleanness to dishonor their own bodies among themselves, who exchanged the truth of God for a lie…… For this reason God gives them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanges the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful” (Romans 1:24-27).
The city, which is the body of each and every one of them, will perish because of the urges of evil that leads them to leave what is fruitful to go on to what is error (Diseases leading to death).
Should we accept this movement? I say No of course, but it’s up to you. Don’t let anyone force you or the persuasions of others lead you into believing in something that you don’t feel comfortable with. There are people that indulge in acts that they don’t believe in, please don’t be that person.
Sexual Curse/Sexual Immorality/Sexual Perversion
This is the biggest battle of my life, even bigger than me overcoming my father’s death. For years now, ever since childhood, I have been dealing with peculiar physical, emotional, and mental tendencies that involves sex and it all ties with the spiritual realm. My story, my testimony is vague, not much detail. This is the true story, a story that exposes this guilt I have inside of me. Only God knows the truth as well as I and this truth, my actions keep eating away at my soul.
Eight years old and I was exposed to girls in bikini’s, bras and panties, and the subtle movements of these women. From that point, my mind spiraled down into pornography before I knew what it was. My perspective changed and every time I went to sleep my body gravitated to sex. It was either I woke up with a boner or I had what they call a “wet dream”. I was sleeping with demons, but I thought it was normal. Who knows what those female demons did with my seeds, I guess I’ll see in the future. In the natural when I was awake, my mind grew sick every year of my existence. At the age of twelve, I was introduced to pornography. An older friend showed me this website and I fell for it like how I fell for poetry. I always told people that poetry was my first love, but I lied. Poetry was when I was thirteen years old, but first was video games at the age of 10 but sexual perversion was way before both. Pornography led to so much time wasted, insatiable urges, and an insurmountable amount of perverse thoughts that ran wild in my mind. A mixture of pornography, BET, VH1, and MTV led me into a train-wreck. My body was wounded and so was hers, a piece of me missing in her and a piece of her missing in me. In my poem, “Coming out of the Closet”, I said, “Each time, there were two dead bodies in the aftermath”. At the time, twelve and thirteen, sex was cool to me and to everyone around me, so I pursued like an idiot, a blind man walking across the highway. Pornography and BET became a stronghold, a dream that I wanted to fulfill. Every video and every song that had sex or implied sex manipulated me, it was a trance, an aura. The more I listened to the music and watched those obscene porn videos, the more I considered. Then, I fell into the first girl that would do the things that the television told every man to do. Her name, Alisha, and the story, “Peer Pressure”. “I was walking home alone, getting away from the neighborhood’s big black dog, and a soft charming voice said, ‘Bernensky’. I looked around, going in four circles until I found the source. It was her and I approached her. I was inept at socializing, especially when it was a pretty girl standing in front of me…. She then said, ‘Come inside, so we can talk’. Afraid, so I denied but when I got home I received a call from friends. ‘You’re gay, man,’ one of them said, while the rest laughed hysterically. That hurt me and that motivated me to become who I wasn’t called to be. For many are called, but few are chosen (Matthew 22:14), so hear this: the devil was calling me for years with pornography and in this particular situation he chose me to commit pornography so that it would lead me to chains of addiction. Let’s continue the story: “I saw her again. She was walking towards me, away from her home… I made a move… We walked back to her home. We arrived, she opened the door, and I entered… ‘Relax,’ she uttered softly. We indulged in sexual activity.” That’s when I officially made sex my idol, my God. I was walking in the flesh, pursing my God instead of walking in the spirit pursing the true and only God, The Great I Am, and not fulfilling the lust of the flesh (Galatians 5:16). In my poem, “The Beginning of Perversion” I said, “I was 13 years old, an ordinary boy, / and just like many ordinary boys’ / I had seen and experience darkness in a variety of ways”. I didn’t know how powerful watching and listening could be. Me watching pornography and listening to sexual content led me to do things prematurely and as a result I became an addict and souls were attached to me.
This pleasure made me content. Life seemed so simple to me, nothing intricate. This pleasure made me lazy, not only this pleasure but the pleasure of video games, poetry, television, and internet but the pleasure of fornication outweighed them. I who loves pleasure will be poor and indeed I was poor in the mind (Proverbs 21:17a). Pleasure without God leads to poverty, yes, it could happen physically; but mainly spiritually. Pleasure without God for me was ungodly sex. Ungodly sex is the following: adultery, pornography, fornication, masturbation, & homosexuality. But ungodly sex never satisfied, so at the ages of fourteen and fifteen I did my homework to gain more of this pleasure. My perception was askew when it came to girls. I believed all of them wanted sex, but I pursued the ones that made it clear to me. Being a teenager it seemed easy to pinpoint the ones that wanted it. In my poem, “Teenage Girls” a question was asked to me, “Do you believe teenage girls are stupid today?” I responded, “Yes like an infant that is oblivious to the simplest snares that are plainly laid out before them”. Now, my intent was beyond a mind of a regular teenager. Every girl I looked at and I liked became my fascination. We had sex before we even had sex. When I was finally sixteen years old, I knew this was wrong. I knew my thoughts were not normal because I couldn’t go two minutes without sex popping into my mind, but I caught a trend occurring during all of this. The only place where my mind couldn’t manifest those thoughts was church, it didn’t matter what church I was in those thoughts couldn’t touch me. But church wasn’t enough, because I only went to church once a week. I had succumbed to the fact that my mind was disgusting. I knew I was going to hell with all of these teenagers, so I said in my poem, “My Teenage Mindset”, “Failure is what I saw in teenagers”. For God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind; but my mind wasn’t sound (2 Timothy 1:7). My mind wandered and wondered how much this pleasure cost and how long it would satisfy. My mind was far from sound, it was deaf from positivity and holiness, so I accepted my ways because I felt I couldn’t change my deaf mind. I feared any other lifestyle that didn’t revolve around sex.
Seventeen and eighteen was when receiving sex got a lot easier. My dad gave me a car and I never looked back. It got bad quickly; I graduated from girls that didn’t have cars to girls that had cars. In the story, “Sexual Immorality tried to kill me”, “Blue Jeans and Black Leggings came to my house unannounced and I let them in…. ‘Let’s have sex,’ they both said simultaneously. Black leggings asked me, ‘Are my boobs big?’ and Blue Jeans said, ‘You know you want to, let’s do it, Nike’ ”. I was living young and stupid, but during these years I had questions. I had to look myself in the mirror. I asked myself at the age of eighteen was this right? Was sex this early, right? Was pornography cool or gay? In the story, “Meeting on: How Pornography Ruined my Life”, I asked myself, “Why am I watching other people’s private part? Am I gay?” After analyzing my life, I wanted to change so I vowed to stop watching pornography and stop listening to Hip-hop music because I believed that music was sheer evil. Hip-hop seemed impossible to give up because everywhere I went it was there. Every get together, every party, and every time I opened the television it was there. But when I got saved, which is later in this story, I didn’t need it anymore. Pornography, on the other hand, was easy to give up so it appeared to be, but I realized that pornography already did its damage, it was now a curse. Even though I wasn’t watching it anymore, it was still in my mind, every scene. Every pretty girl I saw led me into pernicious thought patterns. I still was having “wet dreams” or boners when I woke up. And the most apparent thing was me still having sex. I became pornography and the car made matters worse because that was a magnet for those fast girls that I couldn’t resist. Before the car, it was mostly me sinning in the mind (Matthew 5:28) or me sinning against myself (1 Corinthians 6:18), but now with the car the thought quickly became an action and instead of me sinning by myself, I was bringing another person’s wife down with me. I just couldn’t understand this urge and didn’t have the answers to stop it. All I heard was, “SEX, SEX, SEX” every single minute. I wanted to stop, but my mind didn’t. I became what I despised, I was pornography. Supernatural events started to happen as a result of me wanting sex. My supposedly prom night or in other words the story “The Club” happened.
While the struggle to stop sexual immorality, sexual perversion, and the sexual curse was going on, my dad was sick with cancer. The second half of me being eighteen years old, I slowed down from sexual activities because I would be in the hospital for days accompanying my dad. I thought the urge went away and I went several months without having sex or performing or engaging in it. I turned nineteen, and then my dad passed in July 2013. I was distraught. After mourning his death for a month, I stepped out to the light, but depression killed me after. I didn’t want to live anymore. I did everything to get my mind of my dad. First, I would play video games with my little brother for the whole entire day but that didn’t work because my dad always watched us play video games and that always lingered in my mind. Next, I started hanging with my friends, but all they did was talk about the same things over and over. After, I would go to parties every other weekend, but the party scene didn’t fill the void, it was too loud and dangerous. Finally, I just focused on girls and only girls and that took my mind off my dad. This led to fornication to the 10th power and to masturbation as well. Up to that point I only masturbated twice, but now the urge was so prolific that I needed to release it some way or somehow. If I couldn’t get a girl in time, then I resorted to masturbation. Something was happening though. Something peculiar was happening to me. Now, my body seemed to adjust to the guilt in my mind. Every time I fornicated or masturbated, something inside of me made me feel gloomy and ashamed. I cried one time right after I finished with a girl. I knew that I knew that this was wrong and my body felt filthy from the inside out as a result. I kept reminding myself constantly, “God didn’t create me to be a sex addict”. This was true because God created sex only between married couples, man and woman, to have a covenant to glorify God (Genesis 2:24), but I took sex as a pleasure, not to fulfill the covenant but to fulfill my desires, the works of the flesh (Galatians 5:19-21). I continued to fight those nagging thoughts that said, “Call her back, she’s willing to give it up”, but those thoughts were too overwhelming. It was like a tug of war in my mind, one side wanted to stop and do good, the other side wanted to continue this lifestyle. The side that wanted to continue always prevailed, so I became the double-minded man, unstable in all of my ways (James 1:8). Soon, social media became a tool for my downfall. In the poem, “Coming out of the Closet” I said, “My Instagram was pornography” and indeed it was. Kik and Instagram became my devices for sex. I remember meeting this girl named Chrystal up in Broward after I got out of class. She was amazingly beautiful to me, I don’t know if that was me or the spirit manifesting. I approached her and she was very friendly. I threw out a few subliminal messages and she played along, fully understanding what I was trying to say. So, I asked for her number but she decided to give me her Kik name instead. At the time, everyone was using this app and it was a way to keep your number secure. From there, she was one of the first victims I got through Kik. Pictures and videos were sent and the trend continued as my perverted imagination grew. Kik became my sexual playground, making appointments and meeting up. The urge only increased to the point of me being deprived of sleep and eating. All I wanted was sex now because it made me stop crying about my dad. I had this schedule in my first semester of college that went like this: Monday after class go straight to Loran’s house, Tuesday after dropping my brother off to school go to Loran’s house, Thursday after dropping my brother off to school go to Loran’s house, Saturday after class go to Albee’s house, and do it all over again next week. Things changed when I realized that they were friends and they knew the same Bernensky. Now, I wasn’t having sex anymore. I thought that would help me, but it made matters worse. Masturbation became first and I glorified myself to the point of my genitals hurting. My body was sore, I was in pain. I would stop for a couple of days, but then when the pain went away I would resume and do it all over again. October came around and a childhood friend of mine named Jacques told me to come to something called a “House of Peace”, a place where one experience God. He’d been telling me to come for months, but I never had the time because of my father. I decided to go one Wednesday night and I saw many teenagers and young adults there, just like me. I was surprised because my belief before was every teenager was going to hell, but I had to retract from that belief because of what I saw. These teenagers were holy like my mom and dad, praying with everything they had. I was in another peculiar situation, all new to me. I saw these young adults, teenagers, crying out and I said to myself, “I want to be like them”. That House of Peace was impactful, but four days later I was back at it again. I masturbated and had a thought that went something like this, “I don’t deserve God and I shouldn’t pray because what’s the point when I’m going to do the wrong things anyway”. This led me to fornicate with this girl two days after that. I continued my hopeless life and the end of the year came. Nothing changed, but the thought of that place and those people was a constant in my mind.
New Years hit and my mother, brother, and I started the year off without my Dad, our first time. My mom was discouraged and I was discouraged, but that didn’t stop us from praying. I believed in God and I knew how to pray that was no problem, but I didn’t believe in praying so while we were praying my heart wasn’t fully into it. My mom declared that despite our lost that 2014 would be our best year. Five days later I was at it again, when I was in Davie. Didn’t know why I was in Davie, but I saw this lady with an attire that led me to believe that she really wanted a guy to talk to her. She appeared a bit older than me, one could tell but this urge didn’t stop me. We spoke, I introduced myself, and she did as well. Her name, Alysha, that’s how she spelled it out. She had this look about her that made her more attractive, while the conversation prolonged. She asked me my age and I said twenty-one, I think my beard at the time sold it. She was twenty-three and just recently got married. She was from Atlanta on vacation with her husband who was back at the hotel. Despite her being married, I could tell she was easy. The body language and the way she spoke to me gave me the indication of her being easy and not fully committed in her marriage. I asked for her number and with no hesitation or no sign of guilt she gave it to me. I wanted to meet with her, but they were going back to Atlanta the next day. I texted her three days later, telling her who I was and where we met. First message from her was, “Do you have a kik? We can talk on there”. Instantly, I knew how this was going to go down. We talked for a while and she asked what I was in to. My imagination triggered and my thoughts exposed. Her pictures sent and my phone saved it. Even though we never met up for sex, there was something there, a soul-tie. This was getting ridiculous to me because I was trying to have sex with someone else’s wife. Was I one of David’s descendants? (2 Samuel 11:26-27). I didn’t understand why I just couldn’t find a girl my age, a woman of my youth (Proverbs 5:18b). And why was I messing with a lady that wasn’t even around me? I realized that this urge did this to me; I needed some sort of satisfaction even if it was through social media. Kik was a soul-tie, Instagram was a soul-tie, and all the girls I encountered or spoke to was a soul-tie. I had a body count, a soul count. Right when I thought I was gonna slow down, I was back on the prowl. A month later, I met this lady who had a similar interest as Alysha. She was what we called “BBW” who was sitting all alone at a IHOP. I walked over to her and complimented her and from there we exchanged info. This was on a Tuesday morning, and that same Friday she asked me to come over, but I couldn’t. The following Friday we met up at her home, and there I should have known. I mean it was a nice spacious home. What i really mean I walked in and saw a picture of her and a man. I overlooked that and for the next couple of hours we did our thing. All I remember is 4:56, then she was forcing me out at 6:59. I didn’t want to go because I didn’t successfully release. I asked her why, and she revealed that her husband was coming soon. I was shocked, but then I remembered the picture at the door. I still was lost. I asked her, “You never wore a ring.” She pointed to a counter, where i saw it. I thought, “I am David, a man who sleeps with another man’s wife.” I broke a promise to myself that day. The promise I made when I was 18 to never ever mess around with a man’s woman. I needed help, simple as that. I was tired and tried praying again, asking God to take my life at least four times a week. In March, my friend Jacques told me about another “House of Peace” on a Thursday at Coconut Grove. I went and it was more epic than the other one, more people and the power inside that rented place illuminated. I couldn’t explain. They did a call after worship for the new people. I went up with my brother and the leaders took us outside to pray for us. I said the salvation prayer and confidence and hope was imparted into me because of a testimony of a girl overcoming cancer through God. I looked at things differently. At first, I doubted God because Cancer killed my dad. Now, I believed that God was infinite and could do anything, and I believed God could remove this sexual curse. The next day I went to King Jesus Ministry in Kendall, the youth service, and that’s when I made a commitment, a promise with God. March 28, 2014 was the day and I deleted all apps from my phone and those girls’ numbers I knew that wasn’t going to benefit me on this new journey. I became paranoid and religious in way. For about two weeks I stayed home, not going anywhere. I missed classes and locked myself in the house for those two weeks. I felt that if I went outside, then I would have fallen so my best bet was to stay inside. I started blaming women for my entire trouble with these sexual tendencies saying, “Why do they dress like that? They’re provoking me” or “I think some girls pray to the devil for their beauty because it’s a spell”, but I caught myself trying to justify my actions. I sounded like a rapist trying to plead my case. I understood that most of these things that happened to me was mostly on me because I wanted it, the only exception was “Sexual Immorality tried to kill me”. After almost two weeks, April 9, I went back to my normal routine, school. Everything seemed okay and well until I received a text from a girl named Kirah, who I used to call a special friend. I came from school and I was home alone. I debated on if I should text her back. “Oh, I’m going to preach to her about God,” my thought said. I mentioned God once throughout the whole conversation at the very beginning and she wasn’t having it. She countered by switching the conversation real quick, sex. Her words captivated me and I couldn’t look away. Then, a picture was sent to me. My mind was going back to the old me, as she asked me to play along and come over. I got up went to the bathroom threw water on my face. I heard my phone go off in my room three more times and I was hesitant to go check. I stood and looked at the mirror, wondering how was I going to fight this thing off. Ten minutes passed and I went to my phone and checked it out. It was another message from her begging for me to play and another message from an unknown number which was telling me about a house of peace in my area. The third ring came from my bible app, James 4:7, Submit to God, resist the enemy and he will flee from you. Now, I completely forgot about the girl and marveled at what just happened. I felt like Daniel in that lion’s den, but then angels came and saved my life (Daniel 6:16-22). I realized that God had my back and he truly loved me. I understood why God didn’t help me before because I didn’t commit to him. Things started to be put in proper perspective for me, but again I found myself battling. Days later, loneliness was hitting me hard.
This was the first time I would come from school and go straight home. I always had friends, but now I had no one. I didn’t know anyone from King Jesus Ministry that lived near me. I started to hang out with girls that I had some sort of relationship with. Some were around the neighborhood and one was near my school. I thought since God intervene in the situation with Kirah, he would intervene if things went south while I was hanging out with these girls. I trusted myself for some strange reason, but that was the wrong move. Even though I didn’t do anything with those girls, I found myself lusting and tempting again and in my alone time it led to masturbation. The more I hung out with those girls, the more I came home to masturbate.
One night, I cried out to God. I couldn’t take it anymore. It was one in the morning and I told God to hurt me next time I did the deed, not to kill, but to hurt me so I didn’t have to do it anymore because during that time I tried everything to stop. I stopped hanging out with those girls for good, made a covenant with God to stop, and even went to a counselor but nothing worked. I even contemplating cutting my penis off, but I was afraid that I would commit suicide and go to hell. I knew I was going to do it again, it was just a matter of when and was God going to come through. The night came, a month later, Monday, I remember it was Monday because I was going through the channels on television and I came across WWE Raw. I got up from my childhood memory and went to my phone where I received a text from Ashley, another girl I messed around with. She wasn’t like the others that sent nudes, but she was still a threat because her beauty was all I thought about. I was in the bathroom texting her and flirtatious messages popped up here and there. After an hour of texting her, I told her I had to go do something. I masturbated. I cleaned myself up, went back to the play room to watch television with my mom. Out of nowhere, blood started oozing out of my nose, I felt lightheaded, dizzy. My mom was worried and quickly came to my aid. At first, I thought I was going to die but then I remembered my talk with God that night. I guess what God said was true: if I ask, then it will be given to me (Matthew 7:7a). Normality resumed as the supernatural departed, but I knew then that God had my back. I didn’t masturbate for a while after that, but the curse found another familiar way to attack. Ever since I made the decision to follow Christ I wasn’t having those sex dreams anymore, but as soon as I cut off every sin in the natural the demons came back into my dreams. July 2014, I say that was the scariest and most tough time of my walk in my first year. I couldn’t sleep. These succubus demons/spirits were trying to have sex with me, non-stop. A succubus spirit from what I knew was a spirit that is a female that had sex with men in their dreams and don’t worry women that happens to you to, it’s called the Incubus spirit. I stayed up many nights that month, pleading to God to make it stop. Nothing seemed to work because every night after hours of prayer this spirit came in an innovative way. In the story, “Is she a Witch?”, “In my dream, someone was coming towards me from afar, a female. In a matter of seconds, I was face to face with her. Not the girl I expected to see. She still looked the same. She sat on the bench being as serene as she could. ‘Hey, what’s up?’ she said…… ‘Let’s have sex,’ she proposed. I woke up at 5:39 a.m. and didn’t go back to sleep until the light was outside, 11 a.m… I woke up hours later, went to get my phone first, and then to the kitchen to eat. I received a phone call; I didn’t know who it was. A girl was on the other end and I asked, ‘Who’s this?’ She said her name and I didn’t say a word. I was confounded; it was the girl from my dream. I placed two and two together. Was this a premonition? Was this a coincidence? Or was this the devil himself? ‘I miss you,’ she said. I hung up the phone and said, ‘She’s a witch that prayed and supernaturally entered into my dream, my room, and my heart’.” I knew the devil wanted me to go back, but this again was ridiculous. As I continued to fight off, these dreams continued to torture me. A week later, in the story, “The Touch Dream”, “I was running in my dream and I didn’t know why I was running. I stopped and turned around; it was a girl that I evangelized to that day running towards me. As she got closer, I grew terrified again and started running again. I ran until there was this big cement wall in front of me. I turned around and boom she was right in front of me. She extended her hand towards my private and touched. Instantly, I woke up and jumped out of my bed. ‘Who’s there,’ I said. Times were getting rough, but one of my co-disciples, Jephte, had an idea for me and others. A prayer line was suggested for us to come together and pray against the devil and his devices. From 12 a.m. to whatever time we finished. This was a blessing; it was like the devil couldn’t touch me anymore while I went to sleep. During those times of us praying those late nights, I gained so much revelation and understanding to the point it proliferated. I realized that the kingdom of darkness was exactly its name. Witches, warlocks, and etc would send these spirits throughout the night, while we would be the most vulnerable. Now since we were praying in the night, it was a battle. We prevailed, but it was a matter of consistency. Unfortunately, it lasted for about a month, the end of June to the beginning of August, but I received so much that my purpose was revealed to me. I prayed more during those times alone and I was clear from the sight of the enemy at that time. For the first time in my life, everything was well. Last time I was actually well was when my dad was still here. All those smiles you saw after was a lie until now. I felt invincible and confident in myself. I didn’t need sex or any gratification of it. School came up and I was concerned for my well-being, but there was no serious threat. My mind just needed to stay on par with God. Things were still going well, but I stumbled for a moment. I went back for a split-second. I masturbated for the dumbest excuse, a quick distraction at the end of December. I cried again and prayed to God that my 2015 would be no longer be a curse of sexual immorality and declared freedom over every aspect of my life.
It was January 2015 and I realized that me falling back just for a moment was an opportunity for the devil to get back in my life like the time before the prayer line. Thoughts and dreams re-occurred, it led me to write the story “Why me?”. “The spirit of defeat had pervaded his mind… Thoughts and voices of sexual perversion led him to tears, then a rage of hate, and finally calmness… From the very beginning of his life, these thoughts and voices governed his life, leading him to do unspeakable actions. Those voices were the secrets he held to himself, his mind chamber where he would leave them until his demise. Depression and guilt devoured his soul; he couldn’t live with knowing those actions he had done…. ‘Help me,’ he begged. ‘Answer me,’ he pleaded…. ‘He’s not going to help you,’ the Owl said. ‘You were born into this family’…. His physical disposition said it all, shoulders slumped forward and arms drooping to the ground. He shook his head, contemplating. ‘Why me,’ he said, as he pulled out the gun that he had from his backside and pointed it to his head… BANG!” I was he, but unlike the ending I continued to press on because I knew the treasure at the end. I was on a 21 day fast and God’s faithfulness was with me. He showed me so much and I started to believe in that saying that said even if my mother and father forsaken me, you will never forsaken me (Psalms 27:10) because my mom and dad didn’t know but what if they did know my struggle with sexual perversion. Would they look at me differently? Yes, I know they would have because it’s the human tendency and plus their Haitian and they over-exaggerate for everything. Despite me nailing you on the cross every chance I had by sinning, you still said I love you. I felt like the woman the Pharisees brought to Jesus saying she was an adulteress because I was sinner and I deserved to be stoned for all the sins I committed and all the bodies I brought down with me, but you said you do not condemn me and that I should go and sin no more (John 8:3-11). To combat against the sexual desire, I would do the kingdom works. I was a sub-leader for Pascal’s hop in Little Haiti and we would go out to evangelize every week, three times to be exact, Tuesdays to high schools, Thursdays to Miami Beach, and Saturdays to Aventura Mall. This kept me away from the sexual thoughts because I was busy in God and in my career; it was only God and school. From January to the end of April I was clear, holy, and acceptable to God but again something happened. I was tired physically and somewhat spiritually. Everything on the spiritual aspect of things was great, but everything in the physical was bad to me. I was angry with God, despite him using me as a vessel. I was angry because from October of 2014, every Thursday, I prayed to God for blessings of cars to be released to the children of God. I was growing tired back then and I felt that I needed help. I felt bad because every time I went to hop there was always one person left behind. I felt like the only car from North Miami Beach to Little Haiti that was actually doing Kingdom works. I prayed, but nothing happened. More bad news came up when I realized I failed a class. I grew more frustrated because I needed that class. Eventually, I blamed the works I was doing for God as the reason of me failing the class because I felt that I didn’t have enough time. I wanted to focus and wanted to live normal again. I told God, “God, I’m going to take a break. Not from you, but from evangelizing. All I want to do is pray and worship that’s it.” The spiritual state of mine and the physical state of mine swapped places. Everything in the physical was going great, but everything in the spiritual sense was horrible. I let frustration and anger get to me. I was quick to wrath and that didn’t produce any fruit or righteousness only wickedness (James 1:19-20). This transition led to a soul-tie, a story that I would never forget, “The Ungodly Soul Tie”. “In the Allapattah area, Burn was regulating business for family…. He recognized this girl and approached her. ‘Hey, you used to go to the church, King Jesus Ministry,’ he said. ‘Yeah, it’s too far,’ she said. ‘Oh, you need to come back, let’s exchange numbers,’ he replied. Her name was Sophia, a pretty girl. Burn finally texted her the next day, but there was this feeling he got that disturbed him in his heart and soul like an alarm going off. He continued to text her and realized why this feeling was plaguing his heart… It was Sunday morning, June 14, and they were exchanging flirtatious text messages to one another. Burn was passive, knowing this was wrong. Her words were plain and simple, straight to the point… Burn felt horrible about the whole situation, but her messages intrigued him, compelling him to play a little while longer, while he convinced himself that he would eventually stop. The plan backfired as it escalated to pictures being sent. He was disgusted in himself, guilt and shame filled his mind… He deleted the messages and stopped texting her. Burn went to the Florida room, the play room in the house, and laid down on the couch. Burn dozed off and had a dream. Burn was standing all alone in a deserted street and there she was standing in white with her head down, as if she was depressed and weak. He galloped towards her, reaching her. He was just about to touch her until he heard the voice said, ‘Do not touch her, unless you want to die’. Instantly, he woke up. Scriptures of death and hell popped into his head, agonizing the situation by inserting the fear of God in his heart.” I felt like Pharaoh trying to take what was not mine and I had to face the repercussions for it (Genesis 12:12-19 & Genesis 20:3-8). This reminded me of a poem I wrote back in 2012 called “What belongs to You”. “What belongs to you is not what belongs to me / I want it, but I can’t take it / I respect that, but at the same time I hate it.” At that time, I became a Sexual Evangelist. I was suppose to be leading her back to church, but instead I was leading her down to hell. I wondered if I had the Delilah spirit inside of me. I cut it off, but it felt like I started over. I had to repent for the words that came out of my mouth and the actions that ensued. Things only got darker; I had this gay thought, it was a consideration of a thought. Quickly, I realized what was happening to me. I went to so many deliverance retreats for one thing and that was for sexual perversion and sexual immorality. There were times were I felt free, but that sin always came back because I went back to it. As a result, it came back onto me with a new thing, a despicable sin, or more legions of perversion. In this case, the spirit came with backup (Matthew 12:43-45) because I would have never thought in my lifetime that this heinous thought would come across my mind. Just know I prayed that day.
Things simmered down when I slowly got back into the Kingdom works again. Despite my idiotic ways, God provided financially and I just needed to get through two semesters so I could get my AA degree and leave. My heart got exposed to me. I learned that I was struggling with the spirit of rejection. I was asking God to tell me why this curse was placed into my life. Yea, I knew it was my fault but why was it so consistent in my life? Even if I did everything right, it would still come back. I realized that my heart was wounded ever since I was a child and that this spirit was produced way back then. This spirit triggered me to go a route that was below my standards and settle for mediocrity. It was also revealed that loneliness played a major role in what I fell into. I wondered why I always had this urge for a relationship. It was because most of my life I felt alone because nobody understood me. The spirit of loneliness was the major thing and I questioned God. I thought why he won’t just give me my woman now, so I don’t let this spirit destroy me. But then I realized the process, which was me needing to build a better relationship with my God, my father, and then it would be given to me. I learned abundantly, but let me tell you how this revelation still couldn’t stop the urge.
My second to last semester in Broward had many ups and downs. All of a sudden, I was not a sub-leader anymore for Pascal’s hop and I was doing my best trying to manage a hop up there in Broward, which was so discouraging. Also, I didn’t have my car for the first quarter of the semester and God knows how much I hated the bus. Sometimes I took the bus and other times I was offered rides. I didn’t like asking people for rides and being a burden because trust me I knew how that felt. I believed that I could handle taking the bus and walking home, but on the other hand if one offered me a ride I wasn’t going to turn it down. I was offered many rides. I would be walking to the bus stop and a friend would come and save the day. There were some rides that I knew I shouldn’t have gotten in the car. One couldn’t use the excuse of poor decision-making because I knew exactly what I was doing. Essentially, nothing happened, but I knew that it wasn’t the wisest thing to do to get in a car with a very attractive girl that didn’t know Jesus Christ as her Savior, and to do it more than once was just bold. At least I controlled myself every time. When I finally received my car, everything went back to driving as it was suppose to. I would stay on campus late to study with a couple of affiliates or to do shows that involved art, such as poetry and photography. One day in late November, I was coming from a poetry contest at the library. I didn’t win, so after I wandered the school grounds in disappointment and bumped into some old friends. Then, I bumped into a crush that I once had. It was a surprising encounter because I didn’t know she went there. Da-nigh was her name and she was everything her pictures portrayed on Instagram, beautiful. We hugged, spoke to one another, and then hung out with each other for two hours on campus. We exchanged numbers and this started a soul-tie between her and I. Initially, God came out my mouth like the situation with Kirah, but like the trend of my past it never lasted. It was funny because I did my best to not talk to her. I’ll explain. I was cool with her little sister and spoke to her on a regular basis, but she never told me that Da-nigh went to Broward. She would tell me if she could give my number to her, but I always told her “No” because I knew Da-nigh was a threat. Now that I saw her, everything shifted quickly. We went on dates and after every date something wasn’t right with my soul. I knew it was wrong, but the devil always placed a thought in my mind that said, “What scripture in the bible tells you that dating is wrong?” It was battle between my will versus God’s will. I thought why couldn’t I be like Jesus and say God’s will, not mine (Luke 22:42). 2016 arrived, but the way my 2015 ended was how my 2016 started. I went on more dates with Da-nigh. God’s schedule was moving without me. New changes happened in this walk, a new House of Peace was designated to my house. The leader would be Jean, a co-disciple of mine, and I would be the one helping him. I never preached, while Jean was leading the hop at my house and that was a good thing. I was a hypocrite like the Pharisees (Matthew 23:13-36). My mentor, Alfred, would say a saying that went like this to remind us that no sin was hidden: “Yea, you go home from church and say, ‘Yea, I fooled my mentor, I fooled the pastor, but God knows’ ” and that saying lingered in my mind during this time because God was shaking his head. I liked her and she liked me. I just couldn’t grasp why I couldn’t see beauty in a woman of God like I saw in these girls that wasn’t doing the works of God. I thought maybe it was that promise that I made when I was eighteen that I would never mess or ruin any girl that was truly good. I didn’t know why I loved worldly girls, I was deceived. At the end of March, days after we went on a date to the movies at Aventura, I cut it off. This was getting out of hand because weeks after this other girl was willing to take me out to go eat because I wrote her essay for her and she got an A. I wasn’t going to turn down free food, but again it was wrong. After I graduated in May, God’s schedule changed again, Jephte became the new leader of the Hop at my house. Me graduating was a blessing in disguise.
I had time for God like never before. Hop every Wednesday was powerful and it would be impossible for me to fellowship with any girls of the world. A couple of months later, Apostle Maldonado did a special service for Youth night. The audience would ask him questions and he would answer. Dating came up and I knew it was wrong, but now I had the confirmation. My prayer got back to what it was to suppose to be. Worship alone with God was beautiful again. More time with God and family helped me substantially and things started to grow. I didn’t look back and at the end of year I was happy again. I ended the year great.
I look back and I just wonder how I’m still here. Thank the Lord and I guess I have to see what’s next, but I’m done with the past, all of this is behind me. I feel better getting this off my chest. Exposing yourself feels fun, should do this more often. I pray that my 2017 be great again and that my life resembles holiness because this time I’m serious. Let’s do this!
Some Names are nicknames and some are real names.
Peer Pressure (Story)
The Beginning of Perversion (Poem)
Teenage Girls (Poem)
Teenage Mindset (Poem)
Sexual Immorality Tried to kill me (Story)
The Club (Story)
Coming Out the Closet (Poem)
Is She Witch? (Story)
The touch Dream (Story)
Why Me? (Story)
Ungodly Soul Tie (Story)
What Belongs to You (Poem)
December 31, 2016
He lived in that zone for so long that everybody knew who he was. He was considered as a good friend and only that. The zone’s zip code was “0+1” and the name of the city was “Desolation”. He did his best to expound himself from that zone which she placed him in, but he always found himself circling back to where he started. She had many names in the eyes of many guys. Some named her “Sexy”, others named her “Beautiful”, but he named her “Honeycomb”. Honeycomb, the name derived from his mouth to name her was a very fitting name. She had a rich brown-skinned tone that resembled honey and her long black luscious hair was always straightly combed. She was all three names in a nutshell, more like in a fortune cookie. She was the girl that he wanted, believing that they could be compatible. But she didn’t see it that way because she loved the relationship that they had. She viewed him as a cute little puppy, sometimes like a brother she never had, but never like a boyfriend. He coveted for a more meaningful relationship and was despondent with living in a zone where there was no love, benefits, luxuries, and fun. Despite her rejection, he continued his mission to move into her zone, which was her heart by sending letters, text messages, calls, e-mails, and even going to her home unannounced. Sadly, his attempts failed and he resided in that zone forever. Her final rejection was trauma to his psyche; it lingered in his mind like reliving a nightmare. Her final words were, “I can’t love you like you’re my boyfriend because you’re just a friend, more like a brother.”
Does slavery still exist? One may say “No”, but what if I told you that a form of slavery carries on to this very day. What if I told you that black men are being objectified and exploited, would you believe me? Ask this question: Why is it that the most well-known black men in America are athletes, rappers, and fighters? I believe the reason for this is because the media still believes that black men are only good for their physical traits. Excluding rappers; Black athletes and fighters are endorsed not by how intelligent they are, but how they typically look. Lenon Honor in The Black Buck Program and objectification of Black Males Part 1, Media Manipulation, wondered how the image of the athlete above subliminally represents a long standing racial stereotype that suggests that Black males are sexual predators or sexual beasts. For years now, black males have been attached to this stereotype. Books and movies like Mandingo by Kyle Onstott, Beauty Beast by Mackinlay Kantor, and the movie King Kong have endorsed this stereotype. One may ask, “Why is this stereotype attached to black men? Where did it come from?”
In National Public Radio (NPR) in 2007, a conversation between Herbert Samuels, a sex educator and professor at LaGuardia Community College in New York, and Mireille Miller-Young, a women’s studies professor at UC Santa Barbara about Sex Stereotypes of African Americans have long History spoke about the role black men and women have played in the American sexual imagination. Professor Samuels mentioned that in the mid-1500s black men and women were considered to be animalistic in their sexual desires. So it makes sense that in the article, Sexual Relations between White Women and Enslaved Black Men in the Antebellum South by J.M. Allain, why white women provoked black male slaves to have sex with them. According to the article, a white woman would use her Jezebelic trait to command a black male slave to sleep with her because she wasn’t getting enough attention from her husband. For the black male slave it was bad because if he didn’t comply, there was a possibility that she would of lied and said, “He tried to rape me” to her husband and the result of that would have been to kill the slave. White women at that time were considered to be pure, but in reality they were the animals in their sexual desire along with their counterparts, which were their husbands.
Today, many stereotypes have been originated by the perception that black males are sexual creatures. A familiar stereotype is “Once you go black, you never go back”. This Stereotype is very popular today and it is addressed towards white women and Hispanic women for sex. This stereotype gives the impression that black men have a big penis and are very good at sex. One would think that this would only help black men when it came to dating outside of their race, but it hasn’t. The typical black male may be content with this stereotype, but it’s safe to say that it has caused more harm than good to black males. By accepting this stereotype, black men are giving the media as well as white women leeway to find ways to ruin them. Brothers on Sports and Society (BOSS) had the privilege of speaking to a criminologist, Dr. Chenelle Jones, and she explained why 90 percent of black men are falsely accused of rape by white women. Dr. Jones states that it is easier to use a black man as a scapegoat for crimes. As a result, the perception that black men are sexual has been used as excuses to place black men in jail or to put black men to death. People like Darryl Hunt, a black man who was falsely accused for raping and killing a white woman spent 20 years in jail before being proven innocent (The Trials of Darryl Hunt Film), Emment Till, a 14 year old black boy who was killed for “flirting” with a white girl (The Murder of Emmett Till Film), and many more with similar stories that involve false accusations with a white woman were victims because of this idiotic perception/stereotype that derived from Slavery.
As this perception/stereotype still lingers in our society, it’s difficult to figure out a solution to solve it because perceptions are beliefs. I believe that the only way to stop this perception or any other perception that gives the impression that a group of people are something when they are not is for those people to change their way of thinking and what’s in their heart. It’s sad because society revolves around stereotypes. As a result, people make judgments and assumptions without any real truth about a person or a particular group. Edwin Rolfe and Lester Fuller said it the best, “You can never tell a book by its cover”. So next time “you” see a black man with muscles please don’t think that he’s a sexual creature yearning for sexual pleasure because everyone has sex, so it doesn’t make sense for this stereotype to exist.
By Bernensky Pierre
I was walking by the lake and I saw her pleading her case to the sky. As I approached her, I lent my ear to listen to her words. The emotion she displayed was serious. She was exuding pain, desperate for answer.
He heedfully stared through the binoculars six houses down in his car underneath the shadow of the tree at her picking up the gifts and letters he left on her doorstep, while he guzzled a large cup of coffee. She looked around, bewildered, as if she was wondering who would do this. She brought it inside and came back outside to get the mail. She went back inside and he waited for her, knowing her schedule. Hours passed and there she appeared with tight ripped black jeans, a small grey shirt, and Black Flat Gladiator sandals. She got in her 2012 black Nissan Maxima and drove off. He followed her, keeping a great distance from her car. He knew that every Tuesday she was off and would meet with her friend, Devy, to talk. For weeks he did this, every time he followed her to a new destination.
This time it was the mall. He parked six spots away from her. He got out of the car contemplating on words and how to approach her. She walked in and walked to the other side of the mall, while he was steps behind her looking as customary as ever. Devy was sitting on the bench and she sat next to her. He was standing nearby looking the other way, while his heart was infused with nervousness. Suddenly his heart comported, as his disposition changed.
He treaded to them. “Hey Natalie, did you receive my letters and gifts?”
She was confounded. “Yes, you’re very sweet,” she responded with a bit of sarcasm.
“Thank you,” he said. “Are you free tonight? I would like to take you out to dinner.”
“No,” she replied. “I’m seeing someone right now.”
He was mute with a stolid look on his face, but inside one could hear cracks of his heart take place. He nodded his head, turned his back, and walked to the bathroom. He smacked water upon his face and shook his head in disbelief. Meanwhile, the two girls were talking about what just happened. Devy was disturbed by their conversation.
“Where do you know that guy from?” Devy inquired. “He sounded creepy.”
“I know him from high school and back then he had a crush on me,” Natalie responded. “I didn’t know he still liked me.”
“Be careful,” Devy sagaciously said. “He knows where you live.”
“He likes me, he wouldn’t hurt me,” Natalie lightheartedly said.
As they continued to communicate, he stormed out of the mall exuding anger. His heart was pounding with malice schemes. His anger continued to build, forgetting how much he loved her. He walked back and forth in front of the entrance.
“I’m done being a gentleman.”
He got into his car and sped to her home with an idea, a plan that only seemed sensible to him. He arrived at her home; parked under the same tree he was stalking her from for weeks. He got out, jumped the gate, and broke into the house from the backyard. He examined her home, and eventually he got to her room where he hid himself in the closet waiting for her to come home.
It was dawn and she finally came home. The front door woke him up and he got himself together for this moment. All he heard was her footsteps coming and his portentous heartbeat. She opened the door of her room, sat on the side of her bed, and started undressing herself.
“I’ve spent too much time on you for you not to love me,” he said, while he came out of the closet.
She screamed, but he quickly shut her up. He punched her, pinned her on the bed, and drove a pillow to her head to suffocate her. She was trying to fight him off, but his determination was stronger than her will.
“Since you are not going to love me, you are not going to love anybody,” he said in an irate voice.
All of a sudden, she stopped fighting. He continued to press down on her head, making sure she was out. She was dead and he finally removed the pillow from her head and he raped her. After, he took a couple of minutes to stare at her body with disdain. He stayed there.
A week passed by, it was reported that she had not been seen for days. Her parents and Devy were worried about her. Devy told the police of this strange guy that approached them that day they met at the mall. Finally, the police arrived at her home and kicked the front door open. As the police was looking around with their guns, he was lying with the corpse in bed. They got to her room, kicked the bedroom door down, and they saw him next to her. They pointed the gun at him.
“Lift up your hands,” the officer yelled.
He did so. “She deserved it, she never loved me back.”