July 3, 2013 – March 28, 2014
Testimony (Bernensky Pierre)
It was Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013 and it was 2 in the morning. Doorbell rang, I answered, and I got the news that my father passed. For weeks, I was oppressed and did nothing about it. I sat in the dark and cried alone every day I woke up. Soon I thought I got over it and believed I was back on my two feet, but I really wasn’t (Occasionally depressed and discourage). Now since my father passed away, I really didn’t have anyone to talk to. I didn’t like talking to my mom about certain situations because I needed a man’s perspective on things. My brother was young and we didn’t talk about anything serious, so I replaced my father with lustful conversations. I thought this would be harmless, but it soon got out of hand. Lustful conversations turned into a desire for intercourse (Fornication). I believed this would help me get through the pain and grief of my father, but the pain only increased like water during a flood. I was looking for the solution through girls to fill a void, a space, which expanded as wide as a tropical rainforest. The void was love.
I recognized that this was a problem and did my best to stay away from fornication. I did my best, but my best wasn’t good enough like a good competitor against an unstoppable force. I felt like I was fighting something that I was never going to defeat. I always found myself committing the deed or resorting to the second option (masturbation). It was a sensation that only lasted a few minutes and it only assisted the pain, thoughts, and scars that came after my father’s death. I didn’t know why this was happening, it was hard to explain. I always had a thing for girls, but not like this. Every second and every minute I was thinking of how I was going to receive the pleasure that would never fill me up. This desire was after my well-being like a cheetah preying on baby calf. This was an addiction, I needed help like a patient having trouble to breath. I continued to fight those nagging thoughts that said, “Call her back, she’s willing to give it up”, but those thoughts were too overwhelming. The images in my head were even worse, pornography. Sometimes, I went long stretches where I found myself free, but I really wasn’t. The girls I was dealing with were just like me, no father. My mind soon became accustom to that sin and I always felt guilty because it was one thing for me to know that I was going to hell for what I was doing, but to also realize that I was bringing someone along with me.
I went days struggling with this situation, until my childhood friend, Jacques, told me to come to a House of Peace in North Miami in October of 2013. He invited me before, but I always canceled on him. I wanted to go because he made it sound interesting. I also had the problem that was kicking my butt every day, so I decided to go. I went and there I saw teenagers, just like me. He told me that this was a place where teenagers and young adults come together and pray and worship God. I got there early and nothing was happening because it didn’t start. I had Goosebumps because I didn’t know what to expect. Suddenly, they turned off all the lights, and then I heard music that I had never heard before. I drifted to a corner and I watched these teenagers cry out to God. They were crying, begging, and pleading to him, asking him to forgive them. I prayed for my situation before, but not like that. I usually gave God five minutes a day. This was for an hour and thirty minutes. I soon felt comfortable because I wasn’t the only one that had a problem. Everyone had a problem, but unlike me they brought it before God. I said to myself, “I want to be like them.” That night I prayed the longest of my life. I told myself, “No more playing around, it’s time to change.” After that night, I thought everything was going to change like a full transformation. I prayed every day after that, but found myself committing the deed again. I soon became discourage and had a thought that said, “I don’t deserve God and I shouldn’t pray because what’s the point when I’m going to do the wrong things anyway.” I stopped praying for myself and prayed for others that I thought were better than me. I lost hope and I quit, taking my life back into the shadows of depression.
Sometimes, I went to the House of Peace in North Miami, but I was never really in to it. I just lost belief in myself, but Jacques continued to communicate with me. One day, he told me that there was another House of Peace in Coconut Grove; this time it was a rented place. He told me this would be more epic than the one in North Miami and indeed it was. It was March 27, 2014 and there I saw a few people dancing, others in the corner praying. It was as if they were in a other world, another place, while they were dancing and praying. Their eyes were firmly shut as they moved to the rhythm of the songs that were being played. These people were so into it. I started to think about what I’ve been through throughout my life, the good and the bad. I was thinking about what was cool and what was not. I asked myself, “Why can’t I be like these people? They want to do good, but I struggle with the term.” As I thought about my life in the past, the lights were opened and it was time for the word, but first all new comers had to come up for prayer. I went up and they took all the new comers outside and they prayed for us. Before they prayed, there was this girl that told her testimony. She said she had cancer and as soon as those words came out of her mouth there was a pain that struck me in my heart. Meanwhile, she continued to explain how it disappeared because of God. One night, she came to this House of Peace. She wasn’t a believer, but when they were praying for her she felt a fire inside of her. Couple of days later, she went to the doctor and they were astounded when they gave her the news that her cancer was gone. When she initiated the story with “I had cancer” I almost started to cry like all those days I was in my dark room crying over my father’s death because my father died of cancer. That testimony made me believe again and I thought if God can do that for her than he can turn my problems into cake. All of sudden, I had a desire to be with God and the next day I confirmed it at King Jesus Ministries on March 28, 2014.